Understand the challenges of making new friends as a couple
One of the biggest challenges of being in a relationship (besides communication, obvi) is making new friends as a couple. It can be hard to find other couples that both you and your spouse (or partner) connect with, and it can be even harder to schedule a time to socialize when you’re juggling work and family obligations.
When you’re first dating someone, it’s easy to fall into the trap of only spending time with each other. However, it’s important to make an effort to connect with other couples and develop a social life as a couple. Otherwise, you run the risk of becoming isolated from your friends and family.
Additionally, making friends can help you learn more about your partner and deepen your connection. So even though it can be challenging, it’s worth making the effort to connect with other couples.
At Therapie, we’ve worked with countless couples struggling with this exact issue. Here are a few tips to get you started on making new couple friends or meeting other married couples.
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Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there
One of the best ways to make new friends as a couple is to put yourself out there and attend social events. If you’re feeling shy, start by attending events that are hosted by organizations or groups that you’re already a part of. For example, if you’re both members of a book club, consider attending the monthly meetings. Or if you’re both passionate about a certain cause, look for volunteering opportunities that you can do together.
If you enjoy working out, look for group fitness classes that you can take together. There are also tons of social events specifically for couples, like taking a painting class, cooking class, and wine tastings. Attend a few of these events and you’re sure to meet other couples that you click with. Do a quick search online or ask around to see what’s available in your area.
Now, if the idea of “just putting yourself out there,” sounds terrifying, you are not alone! And, research shows that vulnerability is a crucial part of the process of making any couple of friends. If being vulnerable is something that scares you, have a look at this TedTalk by Brené Brown. Social butterflies are a thing, but they don’t have to get in the way of making friends happen.
Don’t forget about online communities
In today’s world, it’s easier than ever to meet people online. There are tons of online communities that you can join as a couple, whether you’re interested in hobbies, politics, or just general discussion.
Do a quick search and you’re sure to find an online group that’s perfect for you. You can also use social media to connect with other couples. Follow hashtags that interest you and reach out to couples that you want to connect with.
You may also want to consider making other couple friends by using apps such as BumbleBFF. Many of our clients were able to connect with awesome people and set up some great double dates that way.
Be open and communicative with your partner about your needs and wants
Making new couples friends can be challenging, but it’s definitely possible to overcome the challenges if you’re open and communicative with your partner about your needs and wants.
Talk to your partner about what you’re looking for in a friend group and make an effort to attend community events together (as mentioned earlier). When communicating with your partner, be sure to practice active listening and be respectful of each other’s needs.
As much as you have needs when it comes to making couple friends, so does your partner. If you’re both on the same page, it’ll be much easier to find friends that you both connect with.
Don’t take things too personally – not everyone will want to be friends with you
Here is the not-so-glamorous side of putting yourself there. We will just need to rip off the band-aid. With increased vulnerability and you putting yourself out there comes the risk of heartbreak. It’s important to remember that not everyone will want to be friends with you. And that’s okay!
Just because someone doesn’t want to be friends with you doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or your relationship. There are all sorts of reasons why people may not want to be friends with you, and it usually has nothing to do with you as a person.
So don’t take things too personally and just keep moving forward.
Don’t give up if it takes a little longer than expected to form new friendships
If you find yourself struggling to make friends, don’t give up! It may take a little longer than expected to form new friendships, but it’s definitely possible. Just keep putting yourself out there and eventually, you’ll find other couples that you click with. Have patience and be persistent, and you’re sure to find the friendship group that you’re looking for.
In the meantime, don’t forget to celebrate even the fact that you guys are working on the issue as a couple. Ultimately, you only have control over what the two of you are doing and not how it’s being responded to.
But the mere fact that you’ve identified the goal of making new couple friends and taking steps to make it a reality deserves celebrating!
How do you find couple friends (or how to make friends when you're married?)
We hope that this blog post gave you a few ideas on how to start making new friends. Ultimately, it boils down to connecting with your spouse (or partner) around your needs and wants and starting to put yourself out there (as vulnerable as it may seem) and starting fostering a friendship with other coupled friends.
Do married couples need friends?
We are therapists and don’t like overgeneralizations or black and white statements (- oh, the plight of being a therapist). So, while we can’t say that your relationship is in need of friends outside the relationship, we’ve heard from many of our clients that friendships with other couples (and not just one spouse hanging out with another spouse from a different couple), can enrich your life. That’s also been true for our own relationships.
Is there an app for couples to meet other couples?
While we are not aware of an app for couples to meet other couples (if you know of one, please let us know!), many of our clients have had great success using Bumble BFF for one partner to start connecting with a person. From there, it’s just a matter of setting up a double date and getting the friend’s partner on board, too.
Meeting new people and making new couple friends is hard – and you got this!
As anyone who has ever moved to a new city or started a new job knows, meeting new people can be tough. It can be even harder to find mutual friends that you click with – after all, it’s not just about finding someone you like, but also finding someone who likes your partner as well.
However, there are some things you can do to increase your chances of making new friends. We hope that this blog post gave you some ideas and fun ways to get started.
If your relationship needs some more attention, we at Therapie provide both couples therapy (for folks in Texas and Tennessee), as well as online offerings (including a free mini-course on how to stop every fight in its track). If you have any questions or need further guidance, don’t hesitate to reach out.