Intimacy is one of the most important aspects of healthy, deep, and long-lasting relationships. Intimacy extends beyond just being physically close to one another. It involves connection, trust, and the ability to be emotionally vulnerable.
But relationships are a lot like flames. They can start off slow. When given the right amount of fuel and attention, they build and grow. The light shines brighter, the flame gets hotter, and the intensity increases. But over time, that flame can start to dim.
Life stressors and the monotony of day-to-day routines can start to dull a relationship, no matter how strong the bond is. Here are 5 practical suggestions that can help foster intimacy between you and your partner.
1. Be Open and Honest
Communication is one of the key pillars of any healthy relationship. Plus, relationships need communication in order for stronger levels of intimacy to grow. Make sure you and your partner are being open and honest with one another at all times. This means through the good times, through the monotonous times, and even in those challenging times.
You can help to strengthen your intimacy by scheduling time to talk or check in with one another without any distractions. You can use this time to share more than just your day-to-day experiences, like your goals, hopes, dreams, fears, and more. You can also use this time to practice your active listening skills to show your partner that you actually care about what they’re saying, you’re listening, and you’re validating them along the way.
2. Quality Time
There’s a good chance that you and your partner both spend a majority of your day at your careers. This means that every day, Monday through Friday, you’re likely busy with your 9-5 job. Depending on your stage of life, you may even be juggling schoolwork, pets, kids, caring for family members, or running errands to keep up with your personal life.
Busy schedules can get in the way of the meaningful time you spend with your partner. Try to carve out space for regular quality time. This could mean making a meal together, going for a walk outside after dinner, or watching a TV show together. Even small moments of quality time can create memories and a sense of closeness and connection.
3. Show Your Appreciation
After your partner does something regularly, it can be easy to just expect it. And when you expect it, you’re not as likely to give them the praise that they deserve. Let your partner know how much you appreciate certain things that they do for you as well as themselves. Thank them in person, text them to let them know you’re thinking about them, or leave them a note expressing your gratitude.
4. Explore New Things
Explore new things together. This can make being intimate fun and exploratory. Find activities that you can try together. Explore your common interests and hobbies, and sign up for a class that you both are interested in. You can also explore new forms of physical connection by trying different ways to be intimate. Read a book together, download an app, or purchase an intimacy deck of cards to explore and deepen your connection.
5. Seek Additional Support
If you and your partner are noticing that your flame isn’t burning as bright as it once was, you’re not alone. It just means that you need to spend a little more time nurturing it so it can grow again. Intimacy isn’t about the grand gestures. It’s more about the time and energy you dedicate each and every day through your communication, appreciation, vulnerability, shared life experiences, and physical affection.
If you’re struggling with rebuilding your intimacy, consider reaching out for additional support. Individual or couples therapy can help you and your partner find that spark again.
About the Author
Lindsey Yochum, LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the founder of Attune Counseling Center. She leads a dedicated team of therapists committed to providing personalized care and attention to foster growth, self-discovery, and empowerment. Their therapy practice is committed to supporting individuals from all backgrounds, regardless of race, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, or gender identity. They offer both in person and online services.
