In today’s world, we’re constantly looking at screens. Maybe even more so than real, in-person, face-to-face, genuine, authentic human connection. We’re constantly texting, talking, scrolling, direct messaging, searching, and more. Our phones have become another body part. Our eyes seem to always be fixated on a computer screen, laptop, television, tablet, or phone.
The virtual world has evolved and opened up a lot of opportunities. It’s a lot easier to connect with people from all over the globe. Remote work has become more popular than ever. But it’s also made virtual affairs even more likely. Emotional affairs are often looked at as not being as bad as physical cheating, but anyone on the receiving end will tell you otherwise. Let’s explore the real-world consequences of virtual affairs.
What Is a Virtual Affair?
Before we dive into the consequences of virtual affairs, we first have to determine what a virtual affair actually is. Each relationship has its own set of standards and expectations, so this can be a little complicated. A virtual affair could involve any of the following interactions:
- Emotional connections like sharing intimate thoughts, bonding, or venting about things that you aren’t sharing with your partner
- Consistent flirty text or direct messages behind your partner’s back
- Explicit messages, photos, or videos
- Secret digital or online relationships
- Relationships outside of your own that are taking up your emotional energy and time
If you feel like you need to hide your conversations or interactions with your partner, or if you know that it would hurt your partner, it’s probably not as innocent as you think it may be.
Emotional Fallout
Connecting with someone or just chatting online may seem like nothing, but it all comes down to your emotional intent and secrecy. Even without any physical contact, virtual affairs can still cause emotional fallout in your relationship.
Your partner could experience feeling like they’re being replaced by a screen, disconnected from you, or even lied to. They may also experience struggles with their self-esteem, anxiety, or paranoia. There is still a level of betrayal with virtual or emotional affairs. The trust that you and your partner had in your relationship will start to dwindle, and it can be hard to get it back to where it was.
The Real-Life Consequences
You’ve probably heard the saying, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” But you’ve probably also realized that this is never actually true. Virtual cheating doesn’t just stay online or in the cloud. It can have serious real-life consequences on you, your partner, and your relationship.
The communication you have together can start to break down or change into arguments, avoidance, or withdrawal. Sexual intimacy can start to dwindle due to feelings of guilt or emotional distancing. And rebuilding the trust to the level that you once had before this affair occurred will require a lot of time, patience, and effort, especially from the partner who had the affair.
Couples can recover and move past it if that’s what they choose to do, but it requires accountability, honesty, and often the help of an outside third party via couples counseling to help navigate.
Next Steps
Virtual affairs can be just as harmful as physical affairs. While you may not have actually physically cheated on your partner, your relationship has an emotional component, and it can be seriously broken with an affair, even a virtual one. It’s important to talk with your partner about what cheating means to both of you, so you have a set of expectations to follow to honor and respect one another moving forward.
The emotional boundaries that you and your partner have matter just as much as your physical boundaries. There are real-world consequences of virtual affairs. Be honest about your wants and needs. If you messed up, own it. If you and your partner are struggling with the aftermath of a virtual affair, consider couples therapy for added support.
About the Author
Lindsey Yochum, LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the founder of Attune Counseling Center. She leads a dedicated team of therapists committed to providing personalized care and attention to foster growth, self-discovery, and empowerment. Their therapy practice is committed to supporting individuals from all backgrounds, regardless of race, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, or gender identity. They offer both in-person and online services.
