Emotional labor is the invisible work of managing one’s emotions as well as others’ to maintain relationships and run a smooth household. It includes emotional regulation, showing empathy and compassion for others, maintaining harmony, managing conflict, and staying organized.
The problem with emotional labor is that it almost exclusively falls to one gender. Unfortunately, these unacknowledged and unappreciated tasks typically fall on the woman in a household.
This emotional labor also falls onto women in the workplace. Taking on this emotional labor is an added burden that can even prevent opportunities and promotions in the workplace due to the stigma of a woman being “too emotional.” Let’s learn more about the uneven expectations on women for emotional labor and where they come from.
Gendered Socialization
The imbalance between genders begins early on, even in their toys and clothing. Boys wear blues, greens, and darker shades. Girls wear pinks, reds, or lighter shades. Boys play with toy trucks, monsters, superheroes, or soldiers. Girls play with dolls, kitchenettes, and Easy-Bake Ovens. Boys are raised to be assertive and independent. Girls are raised to be accommodating, empathetic, and nurturing.
Due to gendered socialization and expectations, we often view men as the providers and women as the caretakers in their personal and professional lives. This leads to women assuming the work of emotional labor much more often.
Impact of Emotional Labor
This constant imbalance can take a toll on women. Having to juggle their own wants and needs in addition to the wants and needs of everyone else in their life can lead to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and stress.
Unfortunately, emotional labor is often invisible, so it’s harder for someone to acknowledge or reward these added roles and responsibilities, especially in a professional environment, which makes the burden even heavier. Many women are forced to suppress their own emotions to meet the high expectations that others have set for them.
What Emotional Labor Looks Like at Home
In her family, a woman who is taking on all of the emotional labor may feel responsible for remembering everyone else’s schedules, making plans, keeping relationships harmonious and positive, and comforting others. This is often on top of taking care of practical matters to keep the house in order.
In friendships, emotional labor can involve initiating all conversations, always being there for struggling friends, or resolving problems between others. Women can fall into the role of keeping everyone else happy in friendships.
Women can also end up doing most of the emotional labor in romantic relationships. They might always apologize first when there is a disagreement, feel the need to always be “on,” or suppress their feelings to avoid conflict.
What Emotional Labor Looks Like at Work
Emotional labor at work often looks like putting the emotions of others before your own. This could be a coworker who always comforts other struggling members of a team, or it could be a manager who mediates conflicts between others. Workers in the service industry are often tasked with difficult emotional labor, whether it’s forcing themselves to smile while dealing with a rude customer or maintaining a bubbly appearance even when exhausted.
How to Address Uneven Expectations Between Genders
Breaking the pattern of this uneven expectation on women requires both a cultural and structural change. Emotional labor is real work, and we must view it as such. Raising awareness can put a name to it and validate the work.
If you’re struggling with feeling this uneven imbalance in your life, it’s important to open up the conversation about the added roles and responsibilities that you’re taking on so that your family, friends, partner, or coworkers can help. If you’re looking for additional support, reach out today to see how working with a women’s therapist can help you find a balance in your life again.
