You may have dreamed of this moment your entire life. Finding your perfect person, getting engaged, and then heading to the altar.
You may have had an idea of how this would all happen. You thought about your outfit, the rings, the flowers, the ceremony. It was all planned out. The thought of it all made you excited, and happy, and it was something to look forward to.
And the time finally came. After months or years of wishing and waiting, you’re engaged. The wedding is rapidly approaching. But instead of feeling the same excitement, you’re more nervous, scared, and anxious.
Experiencing the wedding jitters? This is why it’s normal to feel anxious about marriage.
Fear of Change
All types of change can be scary. Even good changes like taking the next step in your relationship and getting married can cause some anxiety and nerves. Marriage is a lifelong commitment to your partner: “To have and to hold.” “For better or for worse.” “In sickness and in health.” “Til death do us part.” Marriage brings a lot of exciting new opportunities, but it also means giving a part of yourself to your partner. A sense of yourself is given to your partner, along with some of that independence you’ve worked to build over the years.
Past Experiences
Your past experiences make you into the person you are today. While your past helps to shape you, it doesn’t define who you are. If your family has a history of divorce, you may experience a little more hesitancy to get married. There could be reminders of past relationship issues or challenges that can resurface as well. These past experiences can resurface when you’re feeling anxious and make you feel like you’re in your own head.
Personal Worries
Anxiety can come from your own personal worries and insecurities as well. You may start questioning yourself and your relationship with your partner. These intrusive thoughts can make you feel like you’re not good enough, which can further contribute to anxiety and low self-esteem.
Relationship Dynamics
A major life change or taking the next step in your relationship can cause you to take a look back on all of the relationships in their entirety. Your relationship timeline could flash before your eyes, and you’ll start to playback on all of the moments, the good, the bad, and the ugly that brought you to this current moment in time. Looking back on your relationship may bring up old issues like attachment issues or communication issues.
The Ceremony
Thinking about the big day may be the biggest factor of anxiety. After months of planning for the perfect day, you obviously want things to go smoothly. While you’re able to control a lot of things on your big day like the color scheme, the floral, the DJ song list, and more, there are a lot of things that are completely out of your control. And this can be anxiety-provoking. Things like the weather, if your guests will arrive on time, and if a cell phone will go off during the ceremony are out of your control. You may also be worried about the day of scenarios like your hair and makeup being done in the way that you intended, your outfit fitting perfectly, or having to stand up in front of all of your family and friends.
Things to Consider
The unknown can be scary. You can’t know what’s going to happen in your marriage in the future. It’s important to remember that you wouldn’t be getting married to your partner if you didn’t know and feel that it was right for both of you. Experiencing pre-wedding jitters is a very different feeling than having cold feet. It’s okay and normal to feel stressed and overwhelmed before your big day. If you need additional support sorting through these thoughts and feelings, we’re here for you. Reach out today to learn more about premarital counseling so we can help you make your big day as special as its intended to be.
