Gender identity exists on a spectrum — our gender identities can be as varied as our unique selves. It’s how you perceive yourself and what you call yourself, which may or may not align with the sex assigned to you at birth. You might identify as male, female, nonbinary, genderqueer, or another gender identity. For some, gender identity is fluid and may change over time. Recognizing that gender is more expansive than traditional binary definitions can be an empowering first step. Here’s how you can explore your identity and affirm yourself along the way.

Signs You Might Be Questioning Your Gender Identity

There’s no universal experience of whether or how someone questions their gender identity. However, some common signs include:

• Persistent discomfort with societal expectations tied to your assigned gender
• A sense of relief or joy when imagining yourself as another gender
• Interest in exploring pronouns, clothing, or names that differ from those traditionally associated with your gender at birth
• Feeling disconnected from your body or the roles expected of you based on your assigned gender

These feelings may surface gradually or appear suddenly. While we typically think of children and teens as more prone to exploring their gender identity, it happens in adulthood, too. No matter your age, these feelings are valid and worth exploring.

Steps to Explore Your Gender Identity

Educate yourself

Start by learning about gender diversity. Read books, watch documentaries, and follow people on social media who share their experiences with gender identity. Understanding the language and concepts around gender can help you articulate your feelings more clearly.

Reflect on what you’re going through

Take time to reflect on your feelings and experiences. Journaling can be a powerful tool for self-discovery. Ask yourself questions like:

• When do I feel most comfortable in my skin?
• How do I feel about my name, pronouns, or the way others perceive me?
• What aspects of my current identity feel true to me?

Experiment safely

If it feels right, try exploring your gender in ways that are safe and affirming. This could include:

• Wearing clothes that align with how you feel inside
• Using different pronouns or names with trusted friends
• Adopting physical traits or behaviors that feel more congruent with your identity

Find support

Connecting with others who can see you for who you are can be immensely validating. Consider:

• Joining local LGBTQ+ groups for meetups or advocacy
• Talking to a trusted friend or family member who is open-minded and supportive
• Going to group therapy sessions with others in your situation

Affirmation and Next Steps

Once you’ve gotten clarity about your gender identity, affirming it can help you feel more authentic. Affirmation can take many forms, such as:

• Social affirmation: Using names, pronouns, or appearances that align with your identity. This could involve coming out to friends, family, or colleagues.
• Legal affirmation: Updating documents such as your ID, passport, or school records to reflect your identity.
• Medical affirmation: Pursuing options like hormone therapy, surgeries, or voice training if desired. Remember, not all trans or nonbinary individuals opt for medical transitions, and that’s okay.

Navigating Challenges

While affirming your gender identity can be empowering, it may also come with challenges like:

• Internalized doubts: You might question whether your feelings are valid or worry about societal judgment. Affirm to yourself that your identity is real and worthy of respect.
• External pushback: Not everyone will understand or accept your journey. Focus on building a network of supportive people who celebrate you.
• Financial or legal barriers: Resources like LGBTQ+ organizations often provide assistance for those facing obstacles related to transitioning or legal affirmation.

Getting Professional Help

It’s helpful to talk to a therapist who’s well-versed in LGBTQIA+ issues as you embark on this journey. In therapy, you’ll examine what your identity means to you and how you relate to the world. Schedule a consultation with us to discuss what gender exploration looks like for you.

About the Author

Will Dempsey, LICSW, is a mental health therapist and the founder of Heads Held High Counseling, based out of both Boston and Chicago. Will is a gender-affirming LGBTQ+ practitioner who sees individuals looking to overcome anxiety, depression, and trauma. He often uses EMDR, IFS, CBT, and expressive arts to assist his clients. All sessions are offered exclusively online.