It’s natural for relationship dynamics to change over time. At first, your partner might have made you feel like the most important thing in the world. But this isn’t usually sustainable.
As relationships grow, they change. Healthy relationships often start to feel more comfortable, but they can also lose their shine. After months or years together, you might start to feel like the time you spend with your partner isn’t as special as it once was.
Everyone deserves to feel loved and valued in a relationship, but it sometimes takes work. If you don’t feel like a priority in your partner’s life, it’s worth doing something about it. Fortunately, there are some practical steps you can take. Read on to learn more about what to do if your partner isn’t making you a priority.
Determine Your Needs
Before jumping into a conversation with your partner and letting your emotions take the steering wheel, take some time to dig deep and determine what you’re looking for. Write in a journal to help you organize your thoughts and feelings. This can also be a great way to release all of those pent-up thoughts and emotions you’ve been holding in.
Think about the things that are going well in your relationship in addition to the things you’d like to change. Once you have a better idea of what you’re actually looking for, you can have an open and honest conversation about it. Your partner will appreciate the clarity you’re able to bring to the conversation.
Express Your Wants and Needs
Schedule time with your partner when you’re both feeling positive and not distracted. This means turning off any devices and giving each other your full and undivided attention.
Be open and honest with your partner about how you’re feeling and why you’ve been feeling this way. Make sure you’re mindful of your tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, and word choice. The goal is to create a space where everyone can express themselves without making the other defensive.
Try to avoid placing blame on your partner by using “you” statements. Instead, try framing things from your point of view using an “I” statement: “I feel this way when . . .” This simple swap in words can help your partner see where you’re coming from versus feeling like they have to jump into defense mode.
Put Yourself in Their Shoes
Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes to gain a better understanding of why the relationship has changed. After you’re done speaking your mind, make sure that your partner has an equal opportunity to express themself as well. This is their opportunity to share their own feelings, and they might even share similar sentiments about not feeling like they’re being prioritized.
During this time, make sure you’re showing them the same respect that you’re looking for from them. This means actively listening, not interrupting, and asking any clarifying questions to make sure you’re both on the same page. An honest conversation in which everyone feels heard can have a surprisingly big impact.
Get a Fresh Perspective
Relationships are complex. You and your partner are different people. You might be a great match, but you both have your own wants, needs, values, and beliefs. You’re not going to agree on everything, and you don’t have to. What’s more important is that you find ways to respect and validate each other.
Sometimes all a relationship needs is a fresh perspective from an outside party. That’s where we come in. Reach out today to learn more about how individual or couples counseling can help you and your partner find a way to prioritize one another again.
