Gottman Couples Therapy was created by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. It is a therapy technique that’s based on forty years of research-based interventions with couples.
The main focus of the Gottman Method is helping couples improve their relationships through a set of key principles. The approach develops the necessary skills and understanding for partners to maintain appreciation, respect, and love for one another. Let’s take a look at the 7 key principles of Gottman Couples Therapy.
1. Enhance Love Maps
The first key principle is to build love maps. Couples in healthy relationships are typically familiar with their partner and what’s going on in their day-to-day lives. They’re curious about how their day went and what happened when they weren’t around.
A love map involves the details that you know about your partner and their world. The hope is that each partner will work to understand all of the details about the other’s life: their hopes, dreams, worries, stressors, and more.
2. Share Fondness and Admiration
The second principle focuses on the levels of respect, admiration, and fondness that exist in the relationship. These are some of the core components of a relationship. Without these qualities, a relationship isn’t likely to last or be fulfilling.
Couples in healthy relationships accept their partners for who they are. It’s normal for your partner to have qualities that you don’t love as much as others, and the same is true for their feelings toward you. The important part of this principle is to respect one another and accept each other’s flaws.
3. Turn Toward Instead of Away
This principle has to do with giving attention to your partner when they ask for it. The main idea here is that little moments can add up to big results. Partners who engage with each other when one of them makes an effort to interact are much more likely to have lasting, healthy relationships.
4. Let Your Partner Influence You
Healthy partnerships are built on working as a team. This principle suggests that it’s important for each person in a relationship to involve the other in decisions and struggles. Instead of one person dominating a relationship or neglecting the input of another, decisions and resolutions to disagreements are resolved through the input of everyone involved.
5. Solve Your Solvable Problems
This principle is centered around the idea that there are two types of problems in relationships: perpetual and solvable. Perpetual problems are more complex and long-lasting, and solvable problems are generally more straightforward.
Conflict is something that is bound to happen, even in the strongest of relationships. By choosing to put in the effort to resolve solvable problems with your partner, conflict can actually help strengthen the bonds in your relationship.
6. Overcome Gridlock
Gridlock happens when partners in a relationship are unable to move past a particular problem. Oftentimes, these perpetual problems are related to one or more partners feeling unfulfilled. The dynamic of a healthy relationship should include talking openly and honestly about your dreams, hopes, values, and beliefs. This open communication can help one another fulfill their dreams and move past gridlock.
7. Create Shared Meaning
When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, it can sometimes start to feel like a business arrangement. It can feel like all you share is housework or raising your kids. But a relationship thrives when there are deeper emotional connections. Creating shared meaning by focusing on shared values can help to strengthen the bonds between you.
Gottman Couples Therapy and Your Relationship
The Gottman Method can be applied to many different relationship problems. If you’re struggling with communication, parenting, sex, or conflicts such as infidelity or financial problems, this could be a well-suited therapy approach for you and your relationship. If you want to learn more about how Gottman Couples Therapy can work for you and your partner, reach out today to schedule an appointment.
