According to data from Pew Research, over 69% of Americans are either married, living with a partner, or in some other form of committed relationship. Being in a relationship can be wonderful, but as with anything in life, it can also come with its own set of challenges.
In every relationship, moments of doubt and feeling insecure can arise. This can leave us longing for reassurance from our partners. However, asking for reassurance can be daunting. It can often spark fears of appearing needy or uncertain.
In this guide, we’ll explore how to ask for reassurance from your partner with grace, understanding, and confidence. This will help strengthen the bond between you and your partner for a deeper, more trusting relationship.
Be Honest and Open
A recent survey featured in the New York Post examined the top relationship goals in 2024. It found that 34% of respondents cited improving communication with one another as one of the top goals. Communication is one of the most essential parts of how to ask for reassurance from your partner.
Clearly communicate what you need from your partner to feel reassured. For example, “I need you to tell me that you still care about me, even when we’re going through a rough patch.”
Being honest and open also means being willing to show your vulnerabilities. Explain why you’re feeling insecure or anxious and share specific examples that illustrate your feelings. Don’t hide your feelings or bottle them up.
Choose the Right Time to Talk
These days we’re busier than ever with work and social commitments on top of family obligations and health and wellbeing priorities. It may feel like we have no time to talk about the important things in our relationships.
When we do have time to talk, it’s usually at the worst possible time transitioning from one activity to another. Doing this may lead to one or both partners being too distracted to really listen and will defeat the purpose of trying to communicate in the first place.
In married couples. poor communication is a contributing factor in 65% of divorces. So, taking the time to intentionally and effectively communicate is key.
Find a calm and appropriate moment to talk, when both of you are relaxed and not distracted. You should consider your partner’s schedule and their mood before you begin the conversation. Give them time and space to decompress after a long day so that they will be more willing to talk with you.
Focus on Using “I” Statements
Using “I” statements is a communication technique that can help you express your feelings and needs without sounding accusatory or placing blame on your partner. Start your statements with “I feel” to express your emotions.
For example, “I feel anxious when I don’t hear from you for a long time.” Instead of saying “You make me feel,” which can sound accusatory, focus on your own feelings and experiences. You could say, “I feel neglected when we don’t spend quality time together.”
“I” statements can also be used to express positive feelings and appreciation. For example, “I feel loved when you surprise me with small gestures.”
Be Specific in Your Needs
Another way how to ask for reassurance from your partner is to be specific about what areas you need reassurance in. Clearly explain what is causing your feelings and how your partner’s actions or words are affecting you. For instance, “I feel insecure when you don’t compliment me.”
Be specific about the behavior or situation that is causing your feelings. This is better than making generalizations about your partner’s behavior. Saying “I feel unimportant when you cancel our plans at the last minute” is more effective than “You always cancel our plans.”
Ask for Validation
Asking for validation in a relationship involves seeking acknowledgment and affirmation of your feelings, experiences, or perspectives. It’s a way to ensure that your emotions are understood and respected by your partner.
Clearly communicate to your partner that you’re seeking validation for your feelings. For example, “I need you to validate my feelings about this situation.”
Explain the emotions you’re experiencing and why you feel the way you do. This helps your partner understand the context and importance of validation. In the case of your partner forgetting a special date you could say “I feel hurt by what happened and I need validation that my feelings are justified.”
Request confirmation from your partner that your feelings are valid and understandable by asking “Can you confirm that my feelings are valid in this situation?”
While seeking validation, be open to hearing your partner’s perspective as well. Listen to your partner’s response without interrupting and try to understand their perspective. Validation doesn’t always mean agreement but rather it serves as an acknowledgment of your feelings.
Avoid Seeking Excessive Reassurance
Finding healthy ways how to ask for reassurance from your partner in a relationship is one thing. But if you find yourself needing constant reassurance, this can stem from underlying issues in your own life such as past trauma.
Work on building your self-confidence and self-esteem. Focus on your strengths and achievements to feel more secure in yourself. You should also focus on building trust in your relationship, as trusting your partner can reduce the need for constant reassurance.
If your need for constant reassurance is affecting your mental health or your relationship, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. Going to therapy doesn’t carry the same stigmas it used to.
In the modern age, therapy can help you build a more solid foundation for your life and the relationships around you, romantic or otherwise. In some cases, you and your partner might want to try couples therapy to work through these issues together.
Express Appreciation
Expressing appreciation in a relationship involves showing gratitude for your partner’s actions, words, or efforts. It helps strengthen your bond and fosters a positive relationship dynamic while building assurances.
Always acknowledge their efforts and be specific about what you appreciate. For instance, you can say “I appreciate how you always listen to me when I’m feeling down.”
A handwritten note or a thoughtful message can be a meaningful way to express your appreciation. Showing affection through physical gestures like hugs, kisses, or holding hands can also convey appreciation.
Express your appreciation sincerely and genuinely. Your partner is more likely to feel valued if they know your gratitude is heartfelt. Celebrate and appreciate even small gestures or accomplishments to show that it’s the thought and effort that count.
Use Nonverbal Cues
Communication and connection don’t always need to involve a formal sit-down effort. Using nonverbal cues in a relationship can be a powerful way to communicate your feelings, needs, and intentions without words.
Physical touch such as a hug, a gentle touch, or holding hands can convey comfort, support, and reassurance to your partner. Smiling, making eye contact, or showing empathy through your facial expressions can also show understanding and support.
Open and relaxed body language, such as facing your partner and leaning in slightly, can signal that you’re receptive and engaged in the conversation. Mirroring your partner’s body language, such as leaning in when they lean in or nodding when they nod, can create a sense of connection and understanding.
Simply being physically present with your partner, especially during difficult times, can provide a sense of comfort and reassurance. However, you should pay attention to your partner’s personal space and comfort level. Giving them space when needed can also be a form of nonverbal reassurance.
Discuss Your Boundaries
Discussing boundaries in a relationship is relevant to asking for reassurance from your partner. It helps establish how each partner can best support the other. When asking for reassurance, it’s important to respect your partner’s boundaries and communicate your needs in a way that aligns with those boundaries.
For example, if your partner needs space when they’re feeling overwhelmed, you can ask for reassurance in a way that respects their need for space. This could involve sending a loving text message emoji instead of initiating a face-to-face conversation.
By understanding and respecting each other’s boundaries, you can create a supportive environment where asking for reassurance feels safe and comfortable for both partners.
Reassure Your Partner
Relationships are a reciprocal exchange of give and take. Assurance in relationships goes both ways. Reassuring your partner in a relationship involves providing comfort, support, and encouragement during times of uncertainty, doubt, or insecurity.
Reassurance may be needed repeatedly, especially if your partner is dealing with ongoing issues or insecurities of their own. Be patient and supportive. Use these same reassurance-building tips to help you understand and meet the communication needs of your partner.
Discover How to Ask for Reassurance from Your Partner and More at Therapie Today
It may feel like a difficult task when it comes to how to ask for reassurance from your partner. But once you open up the channels of communication and understanding, you’ll find that the process becomes more natural and beneficial for you and your partner. This fosters a stronger, more supportive relationship overall.
Therapie, located in Nashville, TN, offers individual and couples therapy. We serve busy and high-functioning professionals. With weekend and online courses, you can get the help you need that works for your schedule.
Contact us today to schedule a free 15-minute Zoom consultation.
